14 Aralık 2011 Çarşamba

water tap

iki yılın üstüne, ve beni bile şaşırtmış iki ay önceki aydınlanmasının üzerine tez danışmanı hala etnik bir sıfatla tanımlıyorsa araştırma konumu, konumumu çok işim var gibi gözüküyor. halbuki ben gösterdiğim imajın algılanmasının ve de "ev" kavramıyla ilişkisinin aşikarlığının akabinde bir "hıh" hissine kapılmışım. anlatmışım da iki kelimeyle arka planını. gene aynı yerde buluverdik kendimizi, ben zaten cevaplamış olduğum bi soruyla karşılaşıp sessiz kaldım, o da duymak istediğini, kendi duymak istediği gibi anlattı gene.
i am talking about the baggage one brings with oneself, that baggage that anticipates ones reactions, structures one's behaviour, expectations. and how that knowledge, habitual reportoire unravels, unfolds in the short circuits at the encounter. that shows itself as a hesitation, a silence, a blank face, a small frieze in the course of actions, as a failure to, to reply properly. because one has not confronted with such a thing before, that one cannot solve relying on previous experience. and that has to do with upbringing to some extent, and personal responses, versions added to that. another set of problem-solving abilities. and i dont want to underline the "turkishness" of it. if the quirkines, curiosity of the hot and cold water running from different taps and what to do with it was not shared by the people at the class today, they wouldnt have understood the link between that particular image that shows a make-shift solution to it and the idea of home.

building a home at a distance is adjusting, adopting the vocabulary of the new space, surrounding, into the habits, language of oneself. it is a building, and rebuilding with what is available to oneself. then the two languages shaping, infusing into each other. 

 through time the edges becoming blur, softer, less edgy.

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