is it possible for me, for someone from non-center, non-western, the non-dominat to talk about what I am interested in whitout an ethnic, cultural accent on myself? can those things not be just my habitual vocabulary, do I need to come to an abstract language, just implying the misfit through other metaphors, materials. can I not avoid being a "turkish" "woman" artist? can I not be interested in the process of settling down, encounter, the awkward feelings untill you become fluent in a new set of everyday practices, languages, the proper ways to behave? I bring other habits, I have a different bodily configuration, another set of reactions, responses towards things, expectations, but it is not only me that goes through those unsettling feelings. and i dont want to put an ethnic adjective to define myself, my interest, my practice. i am not defining a turkish culture, i am not defining myself with it. the habitus I was grown up with was also determined, defined by reactions to that.
the habitual network, the reactions and falling into the way things, the material universe draw a line towards the possibilities of myself, but does it enough to confine me into that definition, that category?
i am using a tea glass, that is familiar to me, and a cyristal glass that looks quite familiar to that glass, but actually cannot handle hot water at all, and neither the tick and sharp edges of it is welcoming for a grasp. it is probably a small vase, the shop owner told me. but definitely not suitable for putting hot things in it. and another theory is that it can be used for whisky, or liquer, the sharp edges of it would not make it very comfortable for that.
on one hand side, for the ones who can associate with its tea glasness of the first glass, the first one gives a hint about its "origin", although "cliche" a small hint about for the one's who has been there. but it is not necessary. the fact that we are looking at two glasses that looks similar but different can be enough to give that idea of an uncanny misfit. things you think you know your way through, but actually it is not the same thing, that slight difference makes things harder for you to undo your ideas, preconceptions about it. it makes the basic things, the things you take it for granted dreadful, difficult, distant, ungraspable.
i want to get away from that definitive adjective stuck on me, that is why probably, i try to untangle the lines of the map, open it up and make it unrecognisable, i want to unlearn it, i want you to unlearn it. to look at with fresh eyes. forget about the things you dont know, but assume.