28 Aralık 2011 Çarşamba

nerelisin? sorusuna verilebilecek bi kaç yanıt

hiç oralı değilim
kontrollüyüm, zira kontrolsüz güç güç değildir

27 Aralık 2011 Salı

rule of thumb

A rough and useful principle or method, based on experience rather than precisely accurate measures. For example, His work with the youth group is largely by rule of thumb . This expression alludes to making rough estimates of measurements by using one's thumb. [Second half of 1600s]

dying metaphors: fresh-cuts vs. short-cuts

The original Banned List was, of course, George Orwell’s in 1946: dying metaphors (“Examples are: Ring the changes on, take up the cudgel for, toe the line, ride roughshod over, stand shoulder to shoulder with, play into the hands of, no axe to grind, grist to the mill, fishing in troubled waters, on the order of the day, Achilles’ heel, swan song, hotbed”); verbal false limbs (“Characteristic phrases are render inoperative, militate against, make contact with, be subjected to, give rise to, give grounds for, have the effect of, play a leading part (role) in, make itself felt, take effect, exhibit a tendency to, serve the purpose of”); pretentious diction (“Words like phenomenon, element, individual (as noun), objective, categorical, effective, virtual, basic, primary, promote, constitute, exhibit, exploit, utilise, eliminate, liquidate”); and meaningless words (his examples included “class, totalitarian, science, progressive, reactionary, bourgeois, equality”).
And Orwell’s six rules hold good:
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
It should also be noted that the Committee has decreed that some phrases are compulsory.



English possesses several measurement words that derive from body parts.
cubit – from Latin cubitum, “the elbow.” A cubit was a measurement based on the forearm from elbow to fingertip. The exact length varied according to whose arm was being used and could be from 18 to 22 inches.
digit – In Latin, digitus could mean either “finger” or “toe.” The same is true of digit in modern English. People use the digits of their hands to count to ten. And just think, we imagine we’re so modern and up-to-date because we live in a Digital Age.
fathom – Old English faethm was “the length of the outstretched arm,” about six feet. Water depth is measured in fathoms. Miners use the term to describe an area equal to six square feet.
hairbreadth – According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, hairbreadth is said to have once been a formal unit of measure equal to one-forty-eighth of an inch.
hand – Originally, a “hand” was a measurement of three inches, but now it is four inches. This measurement is stil used to reckon the height of horses.
handful – This is an indeterminate quantity of some dry measure, such as grain, that can be held in the cupped hand. A Greek word for “handful” is the origin of the Greek coin called a drachma.
span – In Old English a span was “the distance between the thumb and little finger of an extended hand,” roughly nine inches. Again, it all depended on whose hand.
thumb was probably the basis of the measurement now called an inch. We don’t measure things in “thumbs,” anymore, but we do talk about thumbnail sketches and thumbnails in the sense of “small images.”
The expression rule of thumb probably originated with carpenters who used their thumbs to take rough measurements. The notion that the expression originated with a law permitting a husband to beat his wife with a stick “no larger in circumference than his thumb,” has no historical basis.

26 Aralık 2011 Pazartesi


icimden bi ses bu ici bos ajite ona boykot buna boykot refleksiyle oryantalizmin bu tip elestirisi arasinda bi benzerlik var diyo.
`activist-feminist` deki aktivist kelimesinden ayrica bi nem kapiyorum bu minvalde. sonra uzun, ve yanip yakinan sergi metni...zor bu sularda dolanmak, eyvallah da, ironiyse bu ironi degil, elestiriyse, yok ona da benzemiyor. yeni bir `genre` doguyor, korlestirerek, sagirlastirarak mevzuyu.
bu kadar rahatsizsak kategorilerden bu kadar rahat yeni isimler bulmamiz kendimize bana tuhaf geliyor. hani o durustaki kendini bilir, hanim agasi tavir bu mu bitirecek, yerle yeksan edecek oryantalizmi.
belki de sadece sirtimizi donmemiz lazim, birakalim kendi fantazi dunyalarinda hayal edip dursunlar. biz baska seylerden konusalim artik. baskalarinin bizi nasil algiladigindan daha baska meselelerimiz olsun.
o detone, a-senkronize meydan mesaisini meydanda yapalim icab ederse.


notes on ...based artist and standpoint epistemologies

while in social sciences it is considered vital to acknowledge the situatedness of knowledge (see Haraway, Rose) in the field of art the issue of situating, contextualising  the artist is a bit tricky issue. if you are woman, you are directly be considered as woman artist and your work in one way or another referring, nurturing from the issues related to it. you cannot escape it, if you attempt to avoid it you could be considered as apolitical. if you are german, palestinian, egyptian, indian it should be acknowledged. you cannot just be an artist. there must be some adjectives to define you, your practice is not enough, what you underline in your practice is not enough.
Felix Gonzales Torres, confronted with the question of the influential geneaologies, the question to position himself tells that I am something in the morning, something else in the afternoon...(reference here).
the problem is situating the speaking subject can be limiting, we need to take a heed of our criteria. we have a bunch of useless one we keep on applying to anyone. Torres also suggest that his  next work will be a caracas.
i know it is hard to shed one`s presuppositions, cliches, stereotypical images of one another, as they provide short-cuts, and thus  ease to our already too complicated lives. but we need to grow guts, it seems.
the basic  reason behind the need for `standpoint epistemology`, as Norman Denzin formulates, is the belief that  `the world of human experience must be studied from the point of view of the historically and culturally situated individual`(1997, p.87). these standpoint epistemologies introduced into ethnography as a possible solution for the representational crisis the discipline was facing. to acknowledge the limitidness of the researcher, which becomes limiting.
Torres has something else to add onto this; he says he is influenced by Marquez, Borges as well as Freud, Althusser etc. Then how can categories of gender, race, nation, ethnic identity be enough to set the scene? Or in another level, we can follow the doubt Gillian Rose cast on the possibility of knowing totally one`s place, position, to what extent can one pin oneself down, can one know oneself, the pulls and pushs that is played on oneself? and how could you know what i mean by gender or what? the reader as well as the writer is situated. stating my position will work with the reception by the reader. and my statement can blind the audience with his-her idea of that statement. i cannot be undone and become possibility for a fresh, new encounter. now my limits are set, my possibilities drawn.
the violence of knowledge.
maybe we should drop all the claims towards knowing, representing. at the end at an encounter the conclusion is always postponed, the meaning created retrospectively. maybe we should just stay there, at the encounter, where possibilities are (could be) still vast and wild.

22 Aralık 2011 Perşembe

kıskanmakla heyecanlanmak arasında gidip geliyorum

Nina Canell ne der ne anlatır, neyin altını çizer pek bi şey bulamadım açıkçası. fakat benim için açık olan bi şey varsa, (algısı sadece belli bir  yöne çalışan insanın açıklığından, dar penceresinden bahsediyorum burda) bu tapetum lucidumun duvarı açışı, ötesini ima edişi. işin diğer versiyonlarında, ya da diğer fotoğraflarında diyeyim, bu kadar bariz değil bu.
bir tomar kablo ve iki güzel parantez duvarda, iki tane, buraların ötesi, hayal perdesi

Nina Canell’s poetic interventions are both object and event; a form of sculptural thought experiments that introduce unexpected links between people and physical phenomena.

Text: Magnus Bons
siyah beyaz dokunmuş , motifleri gani gani büyütülmüş bi iran halısı.
sitedeki videodan insanlar halının üzerinde gezinirken ne kadar büyütüldüğünü, halının gerçek boyutunun nasıl deforme edildiğini, ve dolayısıyla halı üstünde gezinmenin ne kadar tuhaflaştığını görebiliyosunuz. gündelik halinden bambaşka bi şekilde üstünde dolananı kendine yabancılaştıran, her zamanki yumuşak tecrübesinden çok başka bi şey sunuyor bu sefer halı. atılan düğümlerin iriliğinden olsa gerek, pixel pixel bi görüntü de veriyor videoda. siyahla beyazın verdiği mesafeyi tekrarlar gibi. uzak yerlerin mesafesi. sanki üstüne basılamaıyor gibi. ne kadar canlıysa üstündekiler o kadar uzakta gözüküyor halı, hem başka bi zamanın mesafesi var hem başka bi yerin.

çıplak ayak yere basmak

Cyprien Gaillard The Recovery of Discovery

measure-taking as poetry and poetry as dwelling

"Yet the poet, if he is a poet, does not describe the mere appearance of sky and earth. The poet calls, in the sights of the sky, that which in its very self-disclosure causes the appearance of that which conceals itself, and indeed as that which conceals itself. In the familiar appearances, the poet calls the alien as that to which the invisible imparts itself in order to remain what it is-unknown. The poet makes poetry only when he takes the measure, by saying the sights of heaven in such a way that he submits to its appearances as to the alien element to which the unknown god has "yielded.""
(Heidegger, 225).
sair, eger ki bir sairse, gokyuzunun ve yeryuzunun   gorunusunu tasvir etmez sadece. sairin gokyuzunun goruntusunde aradigi, kendi sahsinin kendine kapalililiginda kendini gizleyenin gorunmesidir. asina gorunuslerde, bilinmez kalmak icin gorunmez olanin kendini aciga vurdugu yabanci olani arar sair. sair ancak olcuyu eline aldigi zaman siir yapar, cennetin goruntulerini oyle bir soyler ki onun gorunuslerine teslim olur, bilinmeyen tanrinin yabanci olana teslim olusundaki gibi.
zor adam vesselam.
taking measure, measuring out is in this sense applying onto the unfamiliar the familiar language.

then how does poetry, dwelling and measuring come together?

"That measure is the godhead against which man measures himself."
(Heidegger, 222).

Yes, because we receive an intimation about how poetry is to be thought of: namely, it is to be conceived as a distinctive kind of measuring. No, because poetry, as the gauging of that strange measure, becomes ever more mysterious. And so it must doubtless remain, if we are really prepared to make our stay in the domain of poetry's being.

In this sense, by the use of something known-measuring rods and their number-something unknown is  stepped off and thus made known, and so is confined within a quantity and order which can always be determined at a glance. Such measuring can vary with the type of apparatus employed. But who will guarantee that this customary kind of measuring, merely because it is common, touches the nature of measuring? When we hear of measure, we immediately think of number and imagine the two, measure and number, as quantitative. But the nature of measure is no more a quantum than is the nature of number. True, we can reckon with numbers-but not with the nature of number.
(Heidegger, 224).

"Man measures himself against the godhead." The godhead is the "measure" with which man measures out his dwelling, his stay on the earth beneath the sky. Only insofar as man takes the measure of his dwelling in this way is he able to be commensurately with his nature. Man's dwelling depends on an upward-looking measure-taking of the dimension, in which the sky belongs just as much as the earth. This measure-taking not only takes the measure of the earth, ge, and accordingly it is no mere geo-metry. Just as little does it
ever take the measure of heaven, ourauos, for itself. Measuretaking is no science. Measure-taking gauges the between, which brings the two, heaven and earth, to one another. This measuretaking has its own metron, and thus its own metric.
(Heidegger, 221).
Making is, in Greek, poiesis. And man's dwelling is supposed to be poetry and poetic?
(Heidegger, 214).

20 Aralık 2011 Salı


oda [ETü] Kaş 1070 otag çadır, göçebe evi
[TTü] TS <1300 otağ/odağ çadır, göçebe evi, konut içinde müstakil birim, oda 
ETü ōta- [Kaş] ateş yakmak, duman tütmek +Ig ETü ōt ateş +A-  od
Karş. Moğ utuga(n)/utaga(n) (duman tütme). ETü otağ sözcüğü TTü doğal fonetik evrimle oda biçimini alırken, arkaik biçimin özel bir anlamda korunması ilgi çekicidir.

19 Aralık 2011 Pazartesi

start with "auto"

and then move to the biographicality or ethnographicality of it. hence, lets talk first about writing, graphicality. and that retrospective aspect, self as both the object and subject of the research. the common things. and what makes this particular project auto-ethnographic, talking about one's usual gang, with whom one speaks the same lingo.
the fieldwork and the field work.

15 Aralık 2011 Perşembe


the habitus, Bourdieu says, is stylisation of repeated acts. an act that is a response to the surrounding world in all its materiality and immateriality.
made of daily acts, solutions to practical problems, material world that is imprinted on the body, that has introduced, infused into the language of body. the form that our responses gives to our codes. almost like reflexes.
that language, the fabric of the self is not woven in the dark, on a deserted island. to respond there must be something to respond to. an obstacle, an unexpected event, a hitch, anything that sticks out requires a rethinking, reformulation of our usual, habitual responses and makes ourselves aware of that thing, that does not fit. before becoming a habit, and becoming invisible a response goes through a process of puzzlement, amazement, a hint of dread, scare, anxiety towards that awkward thing that happened right at our threshold, a moment of  blank-outness, hesitation, pause, and then producing alternatives for a solution. you refer to a previous thing, a memory, someone else`s memory, if there is no such a thing in your life, you start making connections with different materials, connect things differently, probably not in a proper, appropriate manner, but fast and effective enough. directed towards the desired, achieved goal, and letting the rest to your imagination that sands, wipes away the small things towards that `sleek` result you are `aiming` for.
the world of everyday is the stage for the action. and its landscape is  formed by the elbow of that, bossom of this, smile of someone, warm, consolatory words of an acquaintance, the ryhthm of a language.
it is shaped by material and immaterial realities, which are, at the end related.
the culture is the sum of survival strategies, one said, accumulated, circulated and routinised acts, the ends and beginnings of which is no longer to spot any more. so seamless it looks, it is almost not visible, how it becomes, settles down into ones body, its knowledge is reproduced in individual level is hard to pin down.

…butler`s work has insisted that the subject`s viability is, if you like, a cultural question. If the bland and amorphous term `culture` does too much work and too little to illuminate here, it does at least convey something of the idea that how a subject is produced and sustained relates to the specificity of its environment as well as the sense in which subjects always emerge as part of wider shared processes.
(Bell, 2007, p.18)
the element of sharing,  brings to the stage the idea of circulation, the contiguousness of people, the other. the routinised behaviours, expectations travelling from one to another, connecting, tying them.
in order to get away from that unwanted cocoon of ` ishness`, that adjective that define, situate, weigh myself down, to peel it off I guess i need to indulge into a more difficult one, to unpack that `cultural`. Butler`s approach seems to provide a more appropriate, and wider scope, that would be enough to fit myself in, wouldnt squeze me within a narrow framework.
to survive, to keep some of the patterns, habits, rituals alive while leaving some behind and acquiring new ones.

14 Aralık 2011 Çarşamba

ve sözü bir üstada bırakıyoruz tabi

I . . . found myself constructing Gayatri Spivaks who “represented”
various historical and geographical cases. How to distinguish this
from a request to speak of the singularity of one’s life?
Gayatri Spivak, “Lives”

a non-essentialist, non-exoticised position

is it possible for me, for someone from non-center, non-western, the non-dominat to talk about what I am interested in whitout an ethnic, cultural accent on myself? can those things not be just my habitual vocabulary, do I need to come to an abstract language, just implying the misfit through other metaphors, materials. can I not avoid being a "turkish" "woman" artist? can I not be interested in the process of settling down, encounter, the awkward feelings untill you become fluent in a new set of everyday practices, languages, the proper ways to behave? I bring other habits, I have a different bodily configuration, another set of reactions, responses towards things, expectations, but it is not only me that goes through those unsettling feelings. and i dont want to put an ethnic adjective to define myself, my interest, my practice. i am not defining a turkish culture, i am not defining myself with it. the habitus I was grown up with was also determined, defined by reactions to that.
the habitual network, the reactions and falling into the way things, the material universe draw a line towards the possibilities of myself, but does it enough to confine me into that definition, that category?
i am using a tea glass, that is familiar to me, and a cyristal glass that looks quite familiar to that glass, but actually cannot handle hot water at all, and neither the tick and sharp edges of it is welcoming for a grasp. it is probably a small vase, the shop owner told me. but definitely not suitable for putting hot things in it. and another theory is that it can be used for whisky, or liquer, the sharp edges of it would not make it very comfortable for that.
on one hand side, for the ones who can associate with its tea glasness of the first glass, the first one gives a hint about its "origin", although "cliche" a small hint about for the one's who has been there. but it is not necessary. the fact that we are looking at two glasses that looks similar but different can be enough to give that idea of an uncanny misfit. things you think you know your way through, but actually it is not the same thing, that slight difference makes things harder for you to undo your ideas, preconceptions about it. it makes the basic things, the  things you take it for granted dreadful, difficult, distant, ungraspable.
i want to get away from that definitive adjective stuck on me, that is why probably, i try to untangle the lines of the map, open it up and make it unrecognisable, i want to unlearn it, i want you to unlearn it. to look at with fresh eyes. forget about the things you dont know, but assume.

water tap

iki yılın üstüne, ve beni bile şaşırtmış iki ay önceki aydınlanmasının üzerine tez danışmanı hala etnik bir sıfatla tanımlıyorsa araştırma konumu, konumumu çok işim var gibi gözüküyor. halbuki ben gösterdiğim imajın algılanmasının ve de "ev" kavramıyla ilişkisinin aşikarlığının akabinde bir "hıh" hissine kapılmışım. anlatmışım da iki kelimeyle arka planını. gene aynı yerde buluverdik kendimizi, ben zaten cevaplamış olduğum bi soruyla karşılaşıp sessiz kaldım, o da duymak istediğini, kendi duymak istediği gibi anlattı gene.
i am talking about the baggage one brings with oneself, that baggage that anticipates ones reactions, structures one's behaviour, expectations. and how that knowledge, habitual reportoire unravels, unfolds in the short circuits at the encounter. that shows itself as a hesitation, a silence, a blank face, a small frieze in the course of actions, as a failure to, to reply properly. because one has not confronted with such a thing before, that one cannot solve relying on previous experience. and that has to do with upbringing to some extent, and personal responses, versions added to that. another set of problem-solving abilities. and i dont want to underline the "turkishness" of it. if the quirkines, curiosity of the hot and cold water running from different taps and what to do with it was not shared by the people at the class today, they wouldnt have understood the link between that particular image that shows a make-shift solution to it and the idea of home.

building a home at a distance is adjusting, adopting the vocabulary of the new space, surrounding, into the habits, language of oneself. it is a building, and rebuilding with what is available to oneself. then the two languages shaping, infusing into each other. 

 through time the edges becoming blur, softer, less edgy.

13 Aralık 2011 Salı


a fee yard owl soon
coal I gel sin
hi ear lyce owl soon
allure in a sound leak

10 Aralık 2011 Cumartesi

bir cumartesi böylesi

kars carpet
bakır darbuka
greek olives
italyan kahvesi

poetry is my country

"i never understood life"

"i have never been able to figure out where my life begins and where it ends"
the first idea was to keep them chronologically..then ı gave up
then splicing  them together by chance... the way i find them on the shelf
because i really dont know where any piece of my life belongs
...by pure chance...disorder...
order of its own...
jonas mekas

9 Aralık 2011 Cuma

sound of doyç

7 Aralık 2011 Çarşamba

down to earth

according to the bbc weather report, the speed of the wind will reach 80 mp/h tomorrow. ı dont know what that could mean, ı cannot imagine, picture a wind in a mp/h format. the only thing ı know about wind is, it can go through your lettuce layers, layers of jumper, coat and reach to your body, to your skin. it makes life harder, miserable, you forget about the beauty of bright sky, or else, it shuts off all your other senses, abilities.  when the physicality of the world outside is so insistent, then all you can think about is how to get along with it, how to survive it.
it makes all your presence to be directed towards it, where that strong exterior force pushing you, forcing you.
the solution to the strong winds for the fragile, dodgy, weak, temporary road signs is sand bags. they pull, draw that light, moving signs to earth. I am trying to imagine the work, the way they put things together. do they have a pile of pre-filled, pre-pared sand bags with the signs? those bags come in the same format, the size of them never changes, maybe the color. is there a name for that particular size (A3?:)
temporary sign marks, to mark, warn about the unexpected thing on your usual way. pulled down to earth with sandbags, what comes from earth goes back to earth again.
one of the things you do as a newcomer, is to try to read things, read into things, look for signs (not always as literal and straightforwards as road signs) that would guide you, give hints about the appropriate move.
I remember burrying the sun-umbrella into the pebblestones on seaside.
or the umbrellas sometimes do have a unit at the bottom that you can fill with water, you attach the long stick of the umbrella into it, and then you are windproof.
The baggy, saggy look of the bags, the dropped, loose and formless look. they let themselves hang on that (otherwise) flying metal structure. they look as if they are suspended, they embody the suspension of their time. and as a hook, as a stabilising agent, hanging on the metal legs they suspend the sign of unexpected.

capturing the time gone by

the temporality of settling down. the mode of time while you acclimatize, settle down, when that total awkwardness, strangeness of things peels of. when you inhabit that new language, new routine, the way of doing things.
how can I capture it?
video-stop-motion-flip-book-the traces-ephemeral- about to fall, unravel, un-build structures
alışmak, a trade between oneself and that thing that one gets used to
giving and taking,
well, it is usually a one-way trade, you buy it, you leave the things you cannot afford. your presence means hardly anything for your interlocutor. at the most, you can be an anecdote in a story, a punctuation mark, a moment, a wind, a little breeze, a breath.
the wind of a person who passes by
pull-push,as the doors will tell you (at least in britain). or else you will be pulling where you need to push.
at a threshold, before entering into, before making your first impression, you are being directed about the direction of the doors.

4 Aralık 2011 Pazar






böyle bi şey de olabiliyor

kaderine lanet etmeyi unutmuş bulabiliyo insan kendini

3 Aralık 2011 Cumartesi

refelexivity of autoethnography, autoethnographicality of reflexivity

recently I came across a review on Deborah Reed's book on auto\ethnography, which was claiming that the body of texts compiled under the title were not actually fitting to the limits of a.e., they were leaving it rather vague to the extent that confusing it with reflexivity.
at that point what needs to be revisited is, I reckon the concept of reflexivity again. Edmund Leach argues that "Ethnographers must admit the reflexivity of their activities; they must be autobiographical" (qtd in Okeley, 1992, p. xii). he seems to be  tying autobiographicality, the biographical situatedness of the researcher with reflexivity.then, what separates a.e. from such a perspective is that, a.e. claims to write one's own culture, making the researcher the subject of the research, which requires a reflexive attitude.

I also have some suspicions in regard to my case. Is what I am doing not actually a self-reflexive look at my work, is it necessarily an ethnography? ın what sense do I claim to do ethnography?

the field, is as I have told to myself, and to people who asked what is your phd about, is the feeling of home, and particularly my feeling of home, my changing  conception of belonging, and identiy.

George E. Marcus states the common interest in fieldwork by artists and social scientists, he states that  it is the practice of fieldwork, that actually attracts artists. so, ı guess, what is happening at the fieldwork and its unorthodox perception, why artists are so much into the fieldwork must be stated, investigated.

ın Miwon Kwon and Hal Foster we can find close answers to the question, the expansion of the site, the discursive meaning it gained, and the role of artist as cultural worker. the multifariousness of site make the artist to handle the site to be worked on from a multi dimesional perspective, to take it as an interlocutor, a living body to correspond to, to work together.

ın this sense, what to look for within the field, how to look for it, the way the usual fieldworker looks, works becomes a possible venue to ponder about.

the artist has some other kind of research agenda, design for the field, another kind of "question at the back of their mind"().

then comes the issue of representation, the representation of the fieldwork is in the text form in conventional ethnograpy. however, this is being challenged due to the questions of representability, the problematics of knowing, knowledge production.

undulating research

one leading to another, and reflecting on the process opening up new possibilities, territories to look into.

çay-ince belli


bayrağa dönüşmüş coşkun şelaleri falan görmezden gelicek olursak, güzel, poetik bi nesne biyografisi, materyal kültür okuması olmuş.
tabi işin içine para kaçınca azıcık sapıyor, sapkınlaşabiliyor yazar. acendası, bağlamı, sponsoru belli bi okuma.
ali yazar veli bozar
"nation" üzerinden değil de başka şekillerde okumanın bi yolu var mıdır? içine kapanmayan, kapıda bırakmayan bi birliktelik mümkün müdür? adını ne koyarsak koyalım şekli başka bi şeye benzedikçe biraz beyhude burdan kaçmaya çalışmalar.

1 Aralık 2011 Perşembe

this entry suppose to be about voice

yet we dont know where the words guided by my mind will take us.
by voice, i try to capture many areas at the same time, I guess. that is probably why i keep postponing to talk about it, clarify it. within it i enclose my hopes for all my solutions.
i mean with voice, a position to speak from, the situatedness of my act, speech, doings.
it brings to mind a political stand, the self as something that stands for something bigger than itself.
the subject as representative of a community.
in terms of postcolonial identity politics, it is a political act, giving voice to the unvoiced stories of the other, suppressed.
yet it can also promote essentialisation of identity. and that trap is the same one orientalist gaze produces, confining it within an image, a stable entity, timeless, cliche, streotypical, that can be produced, reproduced from an earlier, subverted impression. a failed encounter, in the sense that it is failure of seeing the other. whether of too much distance or too much of proximity.
that distance-proximity axis is determined by the belief in knowing. the belief in knowing it all, prohibits the curiosity for the attempt to understand. the antibody of which could be doubt, suspicion.
i want to be able to speak without standing for a homogenised, essentialised identity category.to keep away from streotypical conceptions attributed to that category. as a respect, acknowledgement of its multidimensionality and also its fluidity, unrepresentability, and constructedness.
starting with contextualising, situating oneself has the risk of entrapping oneself I guess. that framework you are drawing can squeze you inside, an inside that is far away from you.

then, as a concern of an author,  voice also  raise the issue of mode of articulation, how you speak.
the uncanny connection of author and authority, cast suspect on the writing act totally.
how do i sound than, in practice? avoiding saying this and that, a whole lot of things kept in silent.
is that because they are denied, neglected, suppressed, avoided? or was not said because it is just irrelevant?
they are not uttered mostly because they are irrelevant, i guess. i use those cultural reference very carefully, in order not to exoticize myself, but I do use them, when i feel there is no way i can imply, give that story without recourse to some condensed images, abbreviations, short cuts. metaphors, substitutes that helps me to communicate.
the way i go through, find my way within this strange lands depends on my limited vocabulary as well. i dont have the elaborate, eloquent language, imagery to go beyond the surfaces. the literal language of the newcomer looks for the substitutes, the exchangebility in things, practices, that builds a shanty town in the foreign, unfamiliar practices. it has the quality of makeshift solutions, that shows the origins, previous histories materials used for the construction. that makes unimaginable pairs, combinations with things at hand.
in that aesthetic the inbetweennes is hidden, not settled down, it makes a suitcase a bookcase, a plastic bottle  a water warmer etc.