The in between space of the stranger, newcomer, misfit, how she encounters her attachements, conditionings, herself, her culturally informed self, in another context, another culture. Culture as a set of –more or less- established formulas, problem solving strategies towards daily questions, obstacles, a set of reflexes.
What I am looking at is, getting used to it, settling down, trying to fit, connect, relate, understand, perform within it. to be fluent. ill always be stammering. so many things to catch up.
Attaching, settling down without growing roots.
Yerleşmek, yerleşememek, yerlileşememek,
carrying a sense of home with, witnessing how the old habits change.
the relation I build up between here and there. the way i stay here, the way i dwell there.
my stay here is time-matter based, up there it is a timeless bond.
the way my history unearths itself with every fresh, unknown, unfamiliar encounter which requires another history to be able to properly respond, act. even to behave improperly, you should know what is proper. i cannot here. that forces you to adopt, develop other criteria. based on... short term memory? to go through a set of fast track disappointments?throw yourself into the wilderness?